Desert, Desert, Dessert
The rain drips down,
Moping, as rain typically does,
Curling its fingers lovingly around
Strands of silver cloud hair,
Drifting into blankets of tender fog,
Laying down little raindrop heads
No larger than the eyes of needles.
The rain slips her curvy bodies
Down thin reeds and into
The mouths of skulls,
Licking away the day's dust,
Licking away the day.
The shift comes softly,
Stealing through the night
On what seems like
The tiny padded feet of kittens.
It is gradual, the way in which she appears,
The way in which such things occur.
Gone are days when grayness was bemoaned.
Instead, exult! Rejoice!
Jubilation resonates within bodies,
Slowly drawing open lips for rest.
A cheeky temptress,
She slithers down backs and
Brushes cheeks with her nose.
Eyes closed, listening through windows
And roof beats
It is hard to discern whether it is not simply
Radio static,
Perhaps sand falling through an hourglass,
Or maybe pebbles falling from an open hand.
Exult, rejoice!
The crowns of green lift up,
Jubilant, jubilant, jubilant.
All at once it is night,
Pulsing, hot night,
Full of slick, vibrating air.
All at once the rain falls hard,
Beating into pavement
Along with the beat of hearts.
A drum, a drum,
The rain melts sugary bodies,
Melts holes into sand.
All at once--quiet.
All at once--rain.
I am just going to make my way down the body of this poem.
ReplyDelete- The line, "Moping, as rain typically does," breaks from the speaker's address in a way that doesn't occur again in the rest of the poem. It creates an interesting effect, but I'm not sure if that tone misleads in comparison to the rest of the poem.
- I love "Licking away the day's dust,
Licking away the day." It also invokes a sense of the "dessert" portion of your title, harhar.
- I am obsessed with "The tiny padded feet of kittens." So yes.
- In the line "Slowly drawing open lips for rest." I get the image of people or animals opening their mouths to receive the rain--what I'm not sure of is how "rest" figures into the scene.
- I love the onomatopoeic mimickery in "A drum, a drum,"--I hear the both the beat of a heart and the rain behind it. That said, I'm not sure if you need the repetition of "beat" right before that ("Beating into pavement / Along with the beat of hearts.") I think the "A drum, a drum" is the subtler of the two repetitions.
- I love how the sand becomes sugar--and the entire desert consequently becomes Candyland--in "The rain melts sugary bodies,
Melts holes into sand."
- I think "All at once--quiet.
All at once--rain" is such a lovely way to end this, especially after just describing all the sexiness of rain.
I think you do a great job of combining the three ideas of desert, desert, and dessert. There's this intriguing dissonance throughout the poem between the death and dryness of the desert being overlaid with these sweeter or more sensual images. (i.e. "The rain slips her curvy bodies / Down thin reeds and into / The mouths of skulls..." which is followed by "The tiny padded feet of kittens.") The overall effect is very peculiar. I feel like you've very aptly described a rain shower descending on a desert, but simultaneously, the specificity of your language has created a totally new setting.
Also, I'm not sure if this is the language or the imprint of the painting on my mind, but I saw pink the entire time I read this.
fyi, here's the final I came up with:
ReplyDeleteDesert, Desert, Dessert
Or, An Exultation for Rain
The rain drips down,
Moping, as rain typically does,
Curling its fingers lovingly around
Strands of silver cloud hair,
Drifting into blankets of tender fog,
Then descending into wild abandonment,
Laying down little raindrop heads
No larger than the eyes of needles.
The rain slips her curvy bodies
Down thin reeds and into the mouths of skulls,
Licking away the day's dust,
Licking away the day.
The shift comes softly,
Stealing through the night
On what seems like
The tiny padded feet of kittens.
It is gradual, the way in which she appears,
The way in which such things occur.
Gone are days when grayness was bemoaned.
Instead, exult! Rejoice!
Jubilation resonates within bodies,
Slowly drawing open lips.
All at once it is night,
Pulsing, hot night,
Full of slick, vibrating air.
All at once the rain falls hard.
A drum,
A drum.
The rain melts sugary bodies,
Melts holes into sand.
All at once--quiet.
All at once--rain.
Justine Bienkowski
Justine,
ReplyDeleteI really love the couplets in this. It works so well through the entire poem. I like the subtitled title as well.